Think all phenomena are like dreams.

    All of our reality is constructed by our perceptions, misperceptions, beliefs, truth, etc.  I have been amazed at times that the proverb stated above, has been taken out of context to mean “Buddhists believe that this world is really a dream” – sorta like the plot of The Matrix – “yeah cool dude, like I’m really dreaming this is reality when I’m someplace else; like you know, asleep somewhere…” This proverb is really teaching, that we construct our reality and that we can construct it many different ways.  My judgment that anything is good or bad, sad or happy, real or unreal… is my own construction.  I believe certain conditions set the occasion for us to be more likely to fall to certain conclusions, …like falling in love.

    When I first meet someone under romantic circumstances and certain chemistry occurs; I may “fall in love.”  (I won’t bore you with the details of what those conditions are for me, since we all know them well enough; having spent huge amounts of time and energy seeking these conditions!)

    Then at some point in the course of a relationship, I allow other circumstances and chemistry to occur, so then I wonder “Am I in love?”  This started to come up in my relationship with my partner of 4 years, Frances.  But recently, as I have come to more fully understand that I create my reality, I have been looking at how I can create “Falling in Love” with my partner in every moment. 

    So recently with my "beloved” (was my partner), I have been telling her I love her, doing other little things to let her know this, etc.  And we have been studying Tantra together (No, I won’t embarrass us all by discussing the details here!)  The result is I have fallen in love again. 

    On a different topic, this understanding helps account for the psychotherapy phenomenon of transference and counter-transference.  Often therapy creates very similar circumstances to those that would set the occasion for “falling in love” such as self-disclosure under unconditional acceptance.  Is the transference real?  My answer is that it is as real as any other phenomenon we create.  Some realities I chose to foster and others I chose to let go of.

    So for now, I have decided to “fall in love”, and I am very happy with the reality I have created.

I have been home from work with the flu.  Yesterday, I was making jokes about being sick like how nobody expects me to do anything, if I mess things up - people say "Oh, I hope you feel better", the Tamiflu gave me “sorta” a buzz, etc.  So I decided that I could do something I have been too busy to do.  I decided I could carefully drive my vehicle to the shop and take a cab home.  I figured that would be no more strain, than the sitting around I was doing at home.  So off I went.

I live in a small town near Charlotte, NC.  Here in NC, the small towns around Charlotte never admit they are in the "Charlotte area".  Here in Concord, we have our own newspaper, own phone company, etc.  So I called the oldest and most established cab company....  OK, I'll speed the story up.

The cab took forever to come, so I called again.  The cab was at the hospital picking up someone else that had also called.  But apparently the driver could not find him, so the cab came to get me.  The car dealership is right across from the hospital (where I work, by the way ... stay on track...), so it only took a few minutes to come for me.  I was surprised when here was an 85-year-old gentleman in the front seat with the driver.  And then a bit more surprised when the cab company called and told the driver where he could find the person who I mentioned above.  (He was in a wheelchair, in this location, blah, blah, blah.) 

Now to the point of this whole long story:  The cab driver apparently knew both of these men as regulars.  There were some hints that I got about what the cab driver was really doing.  The old man revealed that at the rest home where he lived there was nobody to talk to.  The cab driver was a very good listener to all of the old guys WWII stories that were told as we rode.  The other gentleman needed a lot of help and the cab driver provided it without a complaint.  He knew exactly where the guy lived and took such good care of him.  The whole time this was happening, the cab company was calling the driver with more rides for him to make and asking him where he was and why it was taking so long.  And to make the ride even more surreal, the cab was so old that the transmission was very badly slipping.  The driver had to take off slow and then make up for the lost time. 

I'm pretty sure having me along was throwing the whole routine off.  I was the last one he took to his destination.  But I was grateful for the opportunity to be near such compassion in everyday life.  I gave that driver a good tip, not so much as to be condescending.  The other passengers didn't tip (I suppose they couldn't).  He wasn't in it for the tips.

(This is a post from my regular blog.  As Brian suggested it may be helpful to others to have cross links through tabs.

The Logong and Tonglen Community Site is (in my judgment) one of the most helpful sites on the net for personal growth.  It has been a wonderful help to me.   It will send a Logong Mind Training "slogan" by e-mail each day.  I look forward to receiving mine each morning.  What I like is that the slogans are explained in a commentary by some of the most knowledgeable scholars in this area.  By reading each commentary I get a better understanding of the meaning of the saying.  I have created a document file on my Palm Pilot so I can review all of the slogans I have "studied".   I started this on January 1, so pretty soon I'll have all 57 or so sayings.  Then I will post them here.

Tonglen is a wonderful practice.  Briefly, it is sending and receiving.  Here is the twist for most of us in the Western mindset.  I send all my love, compassion, and positive energy out, and I receive in all suffering, sadness, despair, etc.  The purpose of the practice is the aspiration to become like a Bodhicitta

I work as a psychologist, so I encounter lots of suffering each day (the clients perceive it as suffering and most actually have great difficulty in their lives).  I had discussed the problem this caused me, with a colleague who is very perceptive to the energy of others.  She struggled with the difficulty of being presented with so much "negative energy".  Her problem was it was sometimes overwhelmingly painful to touch so intimately the huge amount of suffering clients bring to therapy.  Yet, she felt a calling to do this work.  I could relate to her dilemma because the basic skill of being a psychologist is having accurate empathy for the experience (and situation) of the client.  Since I have been consciously practicing Tonglen, I no longer feel that sense "of the life being sucked out of me" after working with particularly difficult clients.  In fact, I feel a sense of peace and joy at the opportunity I am given.